He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
