Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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