you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
