break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
