this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
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He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
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If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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