Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
