you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
