So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
FUCK WHALES
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
