well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
