Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
