And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
