Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
He had one of those small greek statue penises
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
