She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
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I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
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I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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