last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
