Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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