so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
