five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
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