worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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