dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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