Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
