What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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