This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize