i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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