WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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