im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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