i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
