Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
