if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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