Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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