do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
