i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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