Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
