Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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