It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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