My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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