my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
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