last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
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Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
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The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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