dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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