fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Randomize
