Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
