I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
