i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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