This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
