Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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