You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
