I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
