hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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