just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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