My hair reeks of homosexuality.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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