I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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