I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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