Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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