Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
