just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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