he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Randomize
