Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
