I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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