what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
