roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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