I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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