Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
