Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
