kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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