Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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