ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
