I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You need a sexual gate keeper
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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