By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
So much rum. So many feels.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Text me some of your sweat
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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