I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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