So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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