spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
