is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Randomize
