Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
