So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
