DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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